Although it sounds simple to most parents, teen stress is multi-layered and grueling, and family does add a major portion to it.
The ever-present peer pressure, studies, expectations, time boundaries, extra classes, hobbies, recreational activities, close friends, family celebrations etc. always demand our time and we are expected to deliver full quality everywhere! 90% of teenagers struggle hard to cope with this, putting the remaining 10% through another cycle of comparisons and expectations! Your child cannot be a math-science wiz, a musical savant, an athlete, a linguist, an amiable extrovert and a cheerful soul, all at once,they cannot be all of these all the time! And if they are, and you're still not satisfied with them, I think it's time for you to re-think what an ideal child actually means...
So you think I'm saying that an ideal child has to be all of that^^? NO! Don't go pressurizing your child to be the best at everything, I'm not saying that it is impossible to be an all-rounder, but is it too difficult for Indian parents to simply understand that EVERY child, including theirs, has an individuality, and that EVERY SINGLE child CANNOT be an all-rounder at every stage of his/her life?! All your kids cannot be doctors and engineers either. They have their own inclination and talents, set them free!
And you think now that an ideal parent is only the one that doesn't pressurize children about career choices and talents? But that's not enough. Buying all the things that your child wants, taking them out to expensive places is NOT what we kids want, we just want to be handled with some love, need some little appreciation and encouragement. We want you to keep us happy by giving us real quality time! We do not want you working hard to earn or to buy a million insurance policies for our future, and always be worried. Don't give us an opportunity later to think that my parents never had time,although they did that to secure our future, but couldn't give us any actual gifts while they were with us alive! We want an opportunity to thank you every day for the little moments of unanimous laughter, meaningful life lessons, lessons to become good humans. We do not want to blame you for us becoming a laughing stock. Because under pressure, we crumble, we lose hope, we give up, and WE FAIL, without anybody even realizing. And all that society is ever gonna do is laugh at us, while we cry and look around for people to blame. All you'll ever think of us, is that we failed because we never listened to you. But it is actually because we always, always tried to listen, but it was too difficult for you to notice our trials, all you ever saw was the result. Failure. That's the only thing we teens are credited for.
Your generation was different! Scoring an 85% was too too much back then, but now there are thousands scoring a 94%, and we've given it the best we've got, but it still puts us under pressure! Dressing up, wasn't important back then, but styling, fashion and being perfect is stressed upon too much now! Millions of teens are not anorexic and depressed because of nothing! Having all the latest gadgets was a dream back then, not having one now is like a shame for most kids! But you all know why? Because the elder generation was too busy comparing the two generations, and forgot to teach US to be comfortable in our own skin, they forgot to teach us to be satisfied, forgot to teach us to LIVE in the moment, because they themselves were too busy WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE, rather than living in the present. They allowed a complex to enter our minds, cause after all, they've always been comparing too! They were too busy stocking up insurance policies, buying loans, buying expensive goodies, worrying but not living. So when a child answers that all they want to do is grow up and become a millionaire, you know where the problem lies!
Real ambition is supposed to be happiness, satisfaction, loved ones, wisdom, passion! Enjoying each day at school/work!
Teach your child to be happy with themselves, and moreover ACCEPT him/her for what he/she is. Be happy with them, they'll be happy with themselves and you! Teach values, not worrying! Spread smiles, not pain! Teens, are not those misguided ones who need a finger to guide them, we are beings that need fire and compassion! We have our own set of thoughts too now, cause we have grown up, even though just a little, but we have. Our thoughts could be wrong, guide us. Don't leave us feeling miserable about being wrong, correct us. Don't blame us for YOU failing as a parent, improve yourself and improve us too... We already have enough academic pressure to deal with cause of the increasing competition, we can't take the burden of your expectations and mistakes too. Fix this and there would never be a rebellious or depressed child ever, because among all these comparisons and expectations, humanity died! Not only for us, but for you too!
On behalf of ALL the different types of teenagers,
Gautami Kawale.
